The principle. People trust people who feel like them. To build fast trust, pace their energy first — matching pace, volume, breathing, sentence length. Once you're in sync, you can lead them somewhere new.
Pacing in practice.
- They speak fast → you speak fast. They speak slow → you slow down.
- They use short sentences → you use short sentences. Long, rambly → you go a bit longer too.
- High-energy upbeat → you bring energy. Tired, low → you drop into calm.
You're not mimicking them like a mirror. You're meeting them at their station.
Leading. After 2-3 minutes of pacing, you can start to gently shift. If they were speaking fast and anxious, you slow down and lower your voice 10%. If they're locked in with you, they'll follow — slowing themselves. Now you can have a calmer, deeper conversation.
Where reps fail. They show up with their own default energy regardless of the prospect. The high-energy rep on a call with a tired CFO comes across as a salesperson. The calm rep on a call with a hyped founder comes across as a downer. Match first.
The leadership test. After 5 minutes, are they breathing the way you are? Speaking at your pace? Then you've led successfully. If not, you're still in pacing — give it more time.